Re-Cycling

Yes, it's true. I've bought a cycle.

I was convinced by my thoughts that you don't see fat old men (they all die young) and my envy at the kids riding their cycles from one end to the other of Eastbourne promenade.

Actually I've bought two. The first one I bought was a Desert Fox - er no, that's Muddy Boots - or was it Desert Boots? Something like that anyway. I bought it off my dapper 92 year old pal Dennis who rode it despite its arse-splitting perch and confusion of 21 gears to and from the Lidl Supermarket in St Leonards-on-Sea. I just thought, "If it works for Dennis, it'll be OK for me." I made him a silly offer and the bike was mine.

I rode it once. Around the marina. That was enough. The crippling load it put on my wrists with its chest-over-handlebars riding position with bum stuck hi up in the wind not to mention the fucking gears is forever etched on my skull. I'd forgotten about frame sizes and ignored the fact that Dennis comes up to my shoulder and could wear a suit made out of the cloth of one of my own trouser legs. So for me the bike's a piece of aluminium shit.

It's for sale.

And then I recalled the last time I had ridden a bike. It was summer 1993 and I had sailed up the coast of Belgium on passage to Vlissingen and the Dutch delights beyond; Middleburg, Veere, Goes and Ziereksee. I was almost in Holland when I stopped overnight as usual at a place called Nieuwpoort. Now this has one of Europe's most commodious marinas, and visitors were allowed to borrow one of the fleet of visitor's bicycles provided by this very up-market marina. The town was probably two miles away and the bike was a godsend. You will know what I mean by a 'Dutch' bicycle I expect. Well this Belgian bike was a Dutch bicycle - large frame, no-nonsense sprung saddle and 28 inch wheels. If this bike had a job it would be a Sergeant Major or a Matron.

Well I enjoyed the rides I had on that cycle. Comfortable, smooth and fast.

And so, 16 years later in England, I went to a shop called Amsterdammers (http://www.amsterdammers.co.uk/) in Brighton and bought a second-hand Peugeot cycle - yes it's French but built to meet the unique Dutch specification. It has an all aluminium frame and wheels (so is quite light), a sprung saddle-tube, an adjustable handlebar post (fore-aft, up-down), dynamo front lighting, permanent U-Grab-type rear-wheel lock, a sturdy carrier and fully enclosed chain and gears. Oh yes, it has SEVEN gears by Shimano, in the good old Sturmy Archer-type hub. Finally, it has expanding hub brakes.

I paid around £200 for this truly great second-hand machine. In fact, all it needs is a wicker basket at the front.

Now new Dutch cycles - such as Batavus - can easily cost North of £1,000 if you're not careful. And I'm not talking here of the sort of thing a skinny-dipped, Lycra-leotard wearing, Jimminy Flippet might feel comfortable riding through Brighton's Lanes. Oh no. This is a machine a retired and greying Archbishop might ride in Canterbury with nary a glance from his parishioners. What I have bought and enjoy riding is a plain vanilla bicycle. The sort we used to ride in the fifties/sixties. It's a machine to get you there fast - and un-noticed.

And that's when I learned that Eastbourne is not the cycle-friendly town I imagined it to be. It's not all Miss Marple and twitching net curtains you know. The cycle track peters out at the wet-fish shop after about two miles of promenade. Thereafter, there are special red-rimmed road-signs depicting a cycle with the written warning 'No Cycling - Maximum Fine £500' Mmmmmm - Oh Really? To avoid transgressions, I have to ride on the busy promenade road staking my life at every parked car and wobbling as I ride with my right arm doing the time-honoured hand signals I was taught fifty years ago on my cycling proficiency test. Bet they don't have those these days. In fact I know they don't which explains why the modern (especially London) cyclist can be so rude and law-breaking as to ignore red-lights and simply hop onto the pavement to avoid obstacles. I'd have failed my cycle test if I'd have got up to those tricks!

So I am a cyclist now and it's a different world.